Rating: ***.5 (three and a half out of five)
Year: 1992

Plot: Poor Jobe. He’s used to be a happy simpleton spending his days mowing lawns and his nights being abused by priests. He wasn’t happy, but he was dumb enough not to realize that he wasn’t happy, so he was. Then the brainy neighbor, made entirely of chest hair and suave, had to come and muck things up for him. The neighbor makes him play virtual reality games that make him as smart as a smart monkey, and then way smarter. Jobe realizes how shitty his life is at about the same time that he gets the power to set people on fire with his mind. This turns out to be a bad combination for the meanies in his life.

Review: This is Flowers for Algernon meets Johnny Mnemonic, but more ridiculous. I do have to admit that I gave it at least a full star just because I love the feel of movies made in this era. I also gave it some leeway for the originality and weirdness of the movie, but I have a lot of complaints. The business that Dr. Angelo worked for was not believable, nor were his ‘experiments’. The 3D sequences showing Jobe getting smarter actually made me dumber for watching them. Fahey also made the mistake in the beginning of the movie that goes directly against the sage advise of Robert Downy Jr. to ‘never go full retard’. All that being said, the characters themselves and interactions between them felt pretty genuine, and the special effects were pretty damn good for their time. Most importantly, it was fun to watch.

Rating: ***
Year: 1989

Plot: If you’re ever been to WalMart, then you are fully aware of the possibility of a hideously horrible hairy mutant managing to get it on with someone and create some brood. And, of course, a hybrid child of a fly and a human would be a super-intelligent, exponentially aging 80s star. Enter Eric Stoltz. He’ll invent new stuff. He’ll woo pretty girls. He’ll mutate just like his dad and kill bunches of folk.

Review: My girlfriend gave lent me this movie with the proviso, “this is BY FAR the worst movie I’ve ever seen!”. Oh boy, is she in for some pain during the month of October… I actually liked this one quite a bit! One of the toughest things for a movie to do (especially a horror movie) is to create a unique world, and Fly II does this quite well. While you could construct something extremely similar to this iteration without ever having seen it, the director and producer do a pretty damn good job of going just far enough past the expected to be unique. The first movie was primarily known as a special effects flick, and they do a great job of carrying the torch. Wait it out, and you’ll be treated to plenty of slimy, bloody, gory indulgence in the third act. Stoltz is really the perfect pick for Goldblum 2.0… they seem to share the same quality… some sort of narcotized condescending gallantry. ‘Course, I’m biased to 80s films, so you may think this one totally sucks.

Rating: ****.5 ( 4 and a half out of 5)
Year: 1997

Plot: The Village People and a mentally retarded man awaken to find themselves in an odd room that takes the shape of a cube. There are doors in all 6 surfaces that lead to other rooms that are exactly alike, with the exception of the ambient light color and the occasional homicidal booby trap. They have had all their possessions stripped and have been put into jumpsuits. They have no idea why or how they got there, or what the hell they are supposed to be doing. They laugh, they cry. They get each other killed and occasionally try to rape each other. Good times all around.

Review: The acting is terrible. The script is even worse. How then, can I justify 4.5 stars? Because the idea is f’ing brilliant. With the combination of no-name actors, simple technical effects, and a set that pretty much consisted of one room, the producers were able to make an innovative and eminently watchable movie for a very small amount of money. They did obviously spend some cash on the cgi death sequences, and they were worth every penny – the opening sequence plays like a Tool music video. It’s hard not to get creeped out while watching this… it preys on so many common fears: claustrophobia, xenophobia, confusion, and helplessness. And plus, it has lots of fun math-y-ish themes, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Munchy Suggestion: Ham and Cheese cubes with some Jack Daniels Old No. 7 Mustard… No. 7 mustard… get it?

Rating: *** (3 out of 5)
Year: 1994

Review: Director Kenneth Branaough brings his Shakespearean flair to Mary Shelley’s classic tale. Everything about this movie is over the top. A simple kite-flying outing is set to the backdrop of some majestic Swiss Alps. The house that is one the main locations of the movie is the epitome of opulence. The acting is hammy and grandiose, and shots that call for blood have extra buckets on the ready. I think that Branough’s stage approach to the movie was one of those rare things that’s theoretically bad but works well in practice. The story is a bit stale and tried, but the gluttonous approach keeps the movie watch-able. A good way to start off the month.