Rating: ***** (five out of five)
Year: 2014

Plot: Somewhat appealing and somewhat off-putting widow can barely put up with her fatherless son. While the kid *can* be cute, he spends most of his adolescent days creating weapons of mass destruction to fight boogeymen. While it probably started off as cute-noying, after reading a surprisingly terrifying children’s book at bedtime, his out lashings become downright lethal. As disturbing vignettes in the book start to manifest themselves in real life, you must ask yourself: is this mother suffering the effects of prolonged sleep withdrawal and shitty-son-ishness, or is this shit really happening?

Review: The initial setup of the movie is very believable. The mother is so incredibly sympathetic. It is hard to imagine the burden of not only moving on after your husband’s death, but when you throw in the fact that you’re responsible for keeping his disturbed spawn alive… my gods the stress! The kid is actually pretty sympathetic as well… you can’t not be fucked up when your dad died the day you were born, can you? He understandably gets a lo-o-o-ot of slack for his behaviors, which keep on spiraling from weird to super-creepy, so the horror starts off at a very human level. When you throw in that demonically emotionally eviscerating reading of the book, shit is intensely dark and frightening.

As the scenes from the book start to take form and the child swims further into the deep end of insanity, my terror mounted exponentially. I’ve seen hundreds of horror movies. This was the first time in quite a while that I’ve felt genuinely scared. Once the demon begins to possess, the fear starts to subside (the known fear is always less scary than the unknown fear). That being said, the climax is still incredibly engaging. The ‘open-to-interpretation’ ending will be a great conversation starter for friends who’ve both seen the movie.

The horror genre (and especially this haunted house sub genre) is replete with repletion. Literally thousands of people have tried to tell some form of this story in some form, across the spectrum from the light parody to the truly depraved version. It’s all been done. And yet, somehow The Babadook found a way to retell this folktale in a way that is unique relatable, unpredictable, and genuinely spooky. This would be a great watch for horror dabblers, but a phenomenal watch for the connoisseurs.

Rating: ***.5 (3.5 out of five)
Year: 2012

Plot: Two allied forces buddies go on a secret mission to a small island occupied by the germans. Their initial task is to simply sabotage an artillery bunker, but when they hear the tortured moans of some woman, the siren song takes them into the bowels of the installation. Inside they find lots of death. And a succubus.

Review: The tone and production design of the film make for a desolate, intimate, and unique experience. The small number of ctors and sets give the movie the feel that it started as a play. I imagine that the movie’s shooting location (New Zealand) forced the interesting decisions to cast no germans or Americans in a WWII film. The plot is strong, as are the suspense and effects. Unfortunately, the best actor in the film is quickly eliminated from it. For me the movie peaked early (when the soldiers first decide to enter the bunker). That being said, it’s definitely worth watching to the end because you’ll spend most of your time having no fucking idea what’s going to happen next. This is a rarity in the genre.

Rating: ***.5 ( 3 and a half out of 5)
Year: 1980

Plot: Icabod Crane comes to the teensy, snowy town of Sleepy Hollow to try out the job of schoolmaster. He discovers that the last 3 or 4 schoolmasters had all ‘gone strange’, but this fact doesn’t sway his empiricist’s attitude towards the town’s odd goings-on. He fancies Katrina Van Tassel, but Brom Bones is going to do everything in his power to prevent their union.

Review: This low-budget, made-for-tv version far surpasses Burton’s blockbuster. Jeff Goldblum is perfectly cast as the gangly, eccentric Icabod. Dick Butkus hams it up as the villain; it’s bad, but works well for the part. Despite a virtually non-existent budget, the writing is decent, some scenes are rather spooky, and the viewer is treated to fuller, more complex version of the story than he or she might be accustomed to.

Rating: ****.5 ( 4 and a half out of 5)
Year: 1982

Plot: Daddy is a premiere real estate salesmen for Cuesta Verde development; so good, in fact, that he and his family get to live in one of the units. Problem is, when the community was built, the devs didn’t think it necessary to respect the dead people in the cemetery by not building houses on top of them. The ghoulies are pissed, and are salivating at the opportunity to take out their hostilities on the home’s current residents.

Review: Do you remember the good ol’ days when mom and dad smoked pot before going to bed, t.v. stations played the national anthem at the end of the day’s broadcast, and Stephen Speilburg had skill and integrity? Seems like a long time ago. Speilburg and director Tobe Hooper manage to take this 15 cent plot line and turn it into one of the most dynamic, intriguing, and terrifying horror flicks of all time. The completeness of the family’s backstory and the genuine nature of their interactions bring you in close to the action, giving you reason to care whether or not they are pulled into a hell dimension. With ahead-of-its-time special effects and a really creepy ghost hunter, you’ll find yourself holding your breath time and again. Craig T. Nelson also brings some acting chops that he must have left on the set before going on to star in “Coach”.

Rating: ***.5 ( 3 and a half out of 5)
Year: 1980

Review: Creepy. Weird. Bizarre. The movie opens on this horrifying milieu of pre-teen, incestuous voyeurism and and bondage. As any young lady with a head on her shoulders would do, the little daughter stabs daddy to death. It’s the kind of unsettling thing that makes the viewer think, “Jesus Christ! Where is this going next?” It’s a good thing too, because the next half hour is slow enough to be just boring without that added edgyness. Keep your guard up though! You’ll have to navigate through a HEAVILY EMPHASIZED mirrors theme, a killer glass slippers, a haunted eye-patch, and an exorcism. Good watch – gritty and nostalgic.

Rating: **** (4 out of 5)
Year: 1989

Review: Another director of note starts off our second movie of the month: Robert Englund (aka Freddy Kreuger). I really wish that I had watched this the previous night; just what I was in the mood for! Its 1988 release date gives it that grainy nostalgic feeling with which movies from other decades simply can’t compare. The satanic powers of the horro-hotline are never really explained, but I think it was better that way. The kid who is the ostensible protagonist is a borderline sex-offender who would have been a trench coat mafia member in the 90s. The fact that he’s the one we’re routing for makes for an entirely disturbing viewing experience.

a tumescent Nipples