Rating: ** (two out of five)
Year: 2010

Plot: There’s a killer on the loose. He (or she) starts out very small, just killing old beer bottles and hapless rabbits, but then his thirst for mayhem vulcanizes. Spoiler Alert – the killer is a tire. The killings and stalkings are increasingly interrupted by demolition of the 4th wall by the director and the audience. This appears to anger the tire more than being run over or passing by the town’s tire fire. The film climaxes with an the unveiling of THE TRICYCLE OF ABSURDITY.

Review: Why should you watch this movie? No reason. Well, no great ones anyway. In some ways, the movie is incredibly unique, but in most ways, just incredibly awful. You can see the path the director is trying to tread, and he actually gets close to really turning the whole genre on its axel by challenging so many tropes, but the execution leaves the viewer feeling deflated. Exposition scenes can’t get enough traction and drag on far too long, you’re hit too hard over the head with justification for what’s happening, and the script/acting are very flat. The star of the movie is certainly (the tire) as the effects team does a fantastic job of anthropomorphizing the inert hunk of rubber. All this being said, the movie was worth watching simply for the originality of it, and I’d certainly prefer spending a Sunday afternoon watching it than a NASCAR race.

Rating: **.5 (2 and a half out of five)
Year: 1967

Plot: A moribund professor takes his bumbling assistant to the frozen reaches of Transylvania in an effort to confirm some of his controversial ideas about humanoid bloodsuckers. Turns out he’s right about all of them! ‘Cept the bat thing. They don’t turn into bats. Anyway, they arrive at a claustrophobic tavern where vampirific stuff happens. They follow one of the rascals to an old gothic castle. There they meet the count, his hunchbacked servant, and his bisexual son. The assistant has the hots for the innkeeper’s daughter, who also turns up at the castle. Professor and assistant attempt a rescue of the cute red-head, and pull it off much like Scooby Doo and the gang woulda.

Review: Rosemary’s Baby is one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen, so I was very excited to see Roman Polanski’s stab at a Dracula movie. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the intent for this flick – it was marketed as a slapstick farce in the U.S.. So, it wasn’t very scary… but it wasn’t really funny either. Perhaps it’s just all the reminders about his pedophilia in the news lately, but I had a chill up my spine throughout most of the film. The sets are completely believable. Among them is one of the most genuine spooky old castles you’ll ever see. Although many elements of the Bram Stoker story show up here, Polanski’s version is different enough to be original, and it’s hard to tell just where the scene is going to take you. Overall, this is just a luke-warm rendition of a vampire movie, but certainly different than the rest, and definitely worth watching.

Rating: ***** (5 out of 5)
Year: 2007

Review: Any film that insinuates a sexual relationship between a megalomaniac and an uber-sheep has to be good. And it’s likely to make you laugh… for one reason or another. Black sheep is one of the recent flock of horror movies for horror fans. Although it can be supercilious at times, director Jonathon King sells the goofy moments by going all out on plot and gore and effects. Full motion genetic monstrosities, a bitable penis, and an homage to the transformation scene from American Werewolf in Paris are all pulled off hitchlessly by WETA workshops (the same people who worked on Lord of the Rings and Revenge of the Sith). The pastoral New Zealand landscapes put a tried and true genre piece in a beautiful and new environment. And while the idea of granting innocuous creatures with the lust and capacity for brutal evil is not new, the finesse and skill with which it is executed is. I doubt I’ll watch another movie this good this year.